Father's Day

It would be remiss of me not to write something about the importance of Fathers on Father's Day. My father has said "Son's are for their Mothers and Daughters are for their Fathers". Lucky me I have four sons. My son wrote about his idea of fatherhood beautifully in his step-father's eulogy. "A father is the person who teaches you how to be a man in the world".  I would extend that concept to include a father is also, to women, the person who teaches you how you should be treated by men in the world. They serve an example by which we define "what a man is, how a man behaves within the world we live in, so that women know what to look for and what to avoid and men know what to do. This is pretty much in alignment with Freud's belief that women seek out their father and men seek to become their father. This is an oversimplification of a complex theory, I realise this. If you would like to know more about Freud and his theories follow this link.

I was having a discussion with a young guy who was a member of a "modern" family that is one that is made up of step fathers and mothers half siblings and full siblings and stepsiblings. He was telling me about how great it is to have all these adults and siblings in his life as points of reference. He is a very fortunate fellow as all the adults get along very well together and work as a team in the parenting of their family.  This is the ideal situation and an example of how divorce and separation has the potential of becoming a wonderful asset to a child growing up rather than a terrible burden. I wish we could all mirror such wonderful role models.

Our families do form the foundation of who we become and we should be fully aware of this as we become parents.  Fathers are often under-rated in the importance of children's lives. However, I believe they are equally important to each gendered child and relationships with fathers should always be maintained as much as possible.  However, if there is a risk to a child from either parent that should also be considered. Not every parent is automatically focused on selfless parenting with the child being the top priority.  One look at the headlines where a mother or father has taken the life of their child or allowed a partner to kill their child demonstrates what a huge weight is on the courts in deciding custody arrangements. There's no real way of telling what might happen in the future and no rule to go by to ensure the safety of children in these custody agreements.

On a lighter note Dad's can be wonderful.  My Father who I always called "Mo" for reasons nobody has ever explained to me, was the life of my birthday parties, when he took out his false teeth and pretended to be igor (a thing from the 70's) chasing children around the back garden of my family home. He started the chess club at the local primary school and told terrible dad jokes.  Everyone wanted to go to the swimming and sports carnivals in our family car so they could be around "Mo". Sadly, my parents divorced because they are human and filled with all kinds of foibles my father didn't really get to be a big part of my life after that.  We know better now and Dad's are encouraged to have more access and they fight harder for it.  Keep fighting for equal time Dad's your kids need you for at least 50% of their time.

Happy Father's Day