Acceptance of Differences

This morning I was having a lovely online chat with my soon to be daughter in law (fingers crossed) about acceptance.  We were actually talking about a lot of stuff the topic of accepting differences was one. I thought it might be interesting to look at this concept over the next few weeks. In relationships accepting differences can be a very difficult thing to do. However, often the differences between us is what makes the relationships we are in interesting. Who wants to be married to or friends with someone who is just like us really. It would be highly unlikely because no two people are exactly the same.  Even if it were possible to clone people its our experiences that shape us. Your clone would go off and end up being completely different from you living their own life, having their own experiences and shaping them in a different way. That's my hypothesis on clones.

Acceptance is a tricky thing in relation to yourself and others.  I remember as a young woman I read the Al Anon poem and thought it was a wonderful idea, despite it having a heavy religious tone. It goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, 

the courage to change the thing I can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

The author of this poem, Francis of Assisi, an Italian Monk, believed that laughter is divine as tears. I agree, I'm sure most of you have heard me say "you need a good cry, it's like lancing a boil" nobody could dispute the therapeutic value of a good belly laugh. It's very nice to know that even in the 1200's when Francis wrote this poem, people were struggling with acceptance. I'm sure shed a few tears and had a few good belly laughs on this journey.

How do we accept things that we can not change? How do we relax in the face of situations which seem almost unbearable. In my work as an Assistant in Nursing particularly in palliative care supporting people through the process of acceptance has been a large part of my job. Finding meaning in what would appear to be a meaningless situations such as the death of a child, the death of a partner and my patience's own death or change of circumstance such as adapting to a disability or having to learn to get around with an Acquired brain injury or a wheelchair or just simply adapting to getting old. As one of my clients said, "I'm 96 years old, everyday brings a new disaster, I hear less, I see less or I can't move as well as I did last year. I don't know why I'm here, I really don't even want to be here, I just have to accept that I'm here and make the best of what I've got".

The next few blogs will be about acceptance. What steps can we take to reach the serenity Francis of Assisi wrote about. I'll be looking at the different approaches and philosophies of acceptance. Hopefully we will all learn something of letting go and living life without the burden of running ourselves ragged trying to change things that are unchangeable.

References 

Assisi Francis, Amstrong J(editor)Brady I (translator) "Francis & Clare: The Complete Works. Classics of Western Spirituality"(1988) Publisher Paulist Press.

Hayes S. phd with Smith S. "Get out of your Mind and Into your Life: The New Acceptance Commitment Therapy"(2005) New Harbinger Publications Inc