Acceptance Application

Recently I've been hearing about a lot of Narcissistic Fellows with Sex Addiction.  In fact nearly every male friend who is currently going through a breakup or has been having relationship issues has been diagnosed by their significant other as a narcissistic sex addict.  A few of my friends and colleagues have also had the misfortune of having partners afflicted with this combination psychological conditions.

Firstly, I would like to remind everyone of the dangers of diagnosing something as serious as narcissistic sex addiction in your husband and partners. Even trained psychiatrist and psychologist have trouble with this kind of diagnosis.  The Diagnostic tool used for this kind of diagnoses is often questioned as being the most effective methods.  Many psychologists, psychiatrists and counsellors believe that the DSM 5 isn't helpful professionally or in fact to the clients who see them.

A professional would never diagnosis their family member or friends or someone who they haven't seen themselves.  For example a counsellor told a friend of mine "Your husband sounds like a narcissist" My friend took this as a diagnosis and went directly home and told her husband. This was a very unprofessional thing that the counsellor did, even if at the time she felt that my friend was married to a narcissist she should never have made this assertion as she had not met the husband and is not qualified to make a diagnosis of this kind.  This is a very unethical practice.

Let's work from the basis that the worst possible scenario has occurred and you find yourself married to and in love with a Narcissistic Sex Addict who has been appropriately diagnosed and is refusing treatment. The percentage of men in the general population under 40 with Narcissism is about 6% this number decreases with age. So, the likelihood of this happening is pretty low. For argument sake let us imagine the worst scenario.

Going back to the poem by Francis is your partner's Narcissistic Sex Addiction diagnoses something that you can change? If you can't change your partners diagnoses or his reaction to it e.g. refusing treatment what can you change? If you think nagging your partner will be an effective method you could try that. Perhaps you could accept that your husband is a Narcissistic Sex Addict who doesn't want treatment perhaps he is getting some benefit from his condition and wants to stay in this state. The benefits may far outweigh the negative aspects.

What can you change maybe you can write a list of things you can do.  You might consider ending the marriage, you may consider looking for benefits to being married to a narcissistic sex addict and embrace those and accept the negative attributes, you might question the diagnosis, you might change how the marriage works to incorporate the difficulties of living with a Narcissist Sex Addict.  You might seek out counselling yourself to decide how to approach this diagnosis. You might research Narcissism and Sex Addiction to increase your knowledge.

There are a lot of things that you can do in this example which might give you a sense of empowerment and peace of mind.  I'll return to my initial concern regarding diagnosis.  You probably aren't married to a narcissistic sex addict most probably you are married to a stubborn normal guy who is a bit of a pain to you at the moment. Next week we will do some exercises from Acceptance Commitment Therapy.

References

Saxena, Shekhar, Esparza, Patricia, and Regier, Darrel A., eds. Public Health Aspects of Diagnosis and Classification of Mental and Behavioral Disorders : Refining the Research Agenda for DSM-5 and ICD-11. Washington, DC, USA: American Psychiatric Association, 2012. ProQuest ebrary. Web. 31 October 2015.

Emmelkamp P. & Kamphuis J "Personality Disorders" Published by Taylor and Francis (2013)

Ronningstam, Elsa. Identifying and Understanding the Narcissistic Personality. Cary, NC, USA: Oxford University Press, 2005. ProQuest ebrary. Web. 31 October 2015.